Puke

Nauseous Nauseous Nauseous. 8 weeks...barfffffff.

Paturiency

No one reads my blog. Which is exactly how I want it. And for this reason right now I am happy because.......I'M PREGNANT!!! I'm pregnant. I'm having a baby. I am with child.

And I can write that on here now because no one reads this and Elias wants to wait til November 22 to tell everyone. That is a really long freaking time. I don't know if I am going to be able to do that. Either way, I am super excited and so is he.

I'm currently 5 weeks and I'm having some bloodwork done tomorrow to see if they can pinpoint my due date even closer.

This is just crazy for me. Thinking about the fact that I have a little baby growing inside of me right now is just insane. I'm so happy!

God is very good.

Healing

I sat down at a piano today and began to write my first song since my parents' divorce.
And this is what Jesus breathed right through me:

"You knew me before I even knew You
You held my heart when it broke in two
So how could I not seek You?

Jesus I need You more than I know
Jesus You see me more than I know
Jesus I love you more than I show
But Jesus You love me more than I know"

I ended the short inspiration with an arpeggio then got up from the piano and began to walk back to my desk. As I walked, I began to weep because years of bitterness and anger built up over what I thought wasn't fair came crashing down. Chains were breaking. Healing that I asked for God to bring for so long was flooding into my heart like, as my good friends MP & Whit put it, a Mighty Rushing Wind.

Jesus simply said, "Holly, I love you more than you know."

And that was all I needed.

No Vision = No Life

So Sunday at our church, we had a "Vision Casting Meeting."

Basically, it was a time for all of the leaders in our church to get together to talk about what we are doing right and what we are not doing right. Mostly, we talked about what we are doing right and what we are doing in general.

The vision was to remodel and update our facility to make it more attractive and relevant to our current culture, which I am totally on board with.

But in all of this, there were still people in love with buildings and inanimate objects.

I think memories attach us to objects. (This would explain why people hoard things.)

We are afraid if the object is taken away, the memory will go with it. I can see how that is really easy to believe. For instance, I have a stuffed animal dog named...wait for it...Puppy (I was a creative child). And (this is embarrassing), I still sleep with him sometimes.

Why?

Because I am holding on to the part of me that is still a child because I am just entering real life, stinky adulthood. Part of me sooo does not want to let go of that and another part does. Here is why:

My parents split 3 years ago after being married for 31 years. Three years ago, I was 21 years old (official adult in the eyes of the world). So the part before that was, for the most part, really great.

I used to go golfing with my dad, and he would even let me drive the golf cart sometimes even though I was only 8 years-old.

My mom used to take days off of work to take me on "mystery rides" in the car to places that she knew I'd love.

And there are many more great memories.

I have this idea of what my family is like, but it's really what they were like. They aren't like that anymore, and I am not a child anymore. When I'm in Vermont, I remember them as they were. However, when I am in Virginia, I see them as they really are. Don't get me wrong, they are still wonderful people, but they are separated. They aren't who they were because they don't have each other.

I wonder if every kid/adult who has experienced divorce in their family after a long marriage feels as I do. I think part of me will always see them as they once were, however unhealthy that may be.

All this to say...if you can't see things for how they really are, you will forever live in the past.

The Bible (to some effect) says that if you don't have vision for the future, the people you influence directly will suffer. Think if our President had no vision for the future...oh wait.

All this to say, dream a little. Here's a little something to remind you why.

A Walking Story

So this Easter in our church, we are doing something called "Cardboard Testimonies."

This video is the gist of what it is:

Did I mention my husband and I organize and facilitate the music and creative aspects of the worship service at our church?

Well this is what we have decided to do for Easter this year. The way we see it, many people wander into church on either Christmas or Easter, or both. And what better way to show them who Jesus is through our own transformed lives and stories?

Everyone has a story just waiting to be told. I fully believe that God gives us all a story through our past hurts, present pain and future trials and also through all the wonderful things that happen. More times than not, the things we think are difficult prove to bless us beyond our belief.

So all this to say...I sent out an inquiry to see who would like to participate, and the 2-line testimonies are flooding in. And as they flood in, the tears flow! The reality is that you can never know someone's story until you ask in some way. These stories bring me to my knees in awe of what God can do when we relinquish our lives to Him.

He is good. He is faithful.

Hearing these stories only makes me see the potential for lives to truly be changed when people come and see these testimonies on a simple piece of cardboard.

Praise God and all glory to Him for the outcome and the journey!

Graceless Broad Saved by Grace

So I often try to update the world (whoever is really listening) about what has happened since the last time I blogged and in this case, it hasn't been as long as I usually wait. Basically, it's hard for me to care too much about political things anymore because I (nor anyone else) has any control over what happens. Politicians can break any rules they want, and no one can stop them. End of the rant.

Anyways...today I was thinking about how I am not a very graceful person. I'm pretty clumsy actually. In that sense and in the sense of my social graces. I've often found myself saying totally inappropriate things in front of people that I do not mean to say them in front of. The funny part is there is usually no embarrassment that ensues after this. I just kind of wish I didn't say or do whatever I did or said. Here's a for instance:

Today, we got Panera and walked into church and set our food on this baby grand piano that the church has had forever. While we've updated most of the instruments, this thing persists to be an eye sore than cannot be regulated in sound because of it's size. We would happy to be rid of it. So here we go...

Our friend says, "We probably shouldn't set our food on this piano," to which I reply:

"Whatever. If I had my way, I'd take a poo on this piano."

No grace whatsoever. So there's that.

But a little later, something happened where our music set didn't go as planned and it was really our fault for asking someone unfamiliar with our songs to learn them all in 30 minutes. Let's just say...it was very painful. As much as I wanted to rip out all my hair and scream at this person, thank the Lord He spared me from doing so. You see, after my rage wore off, I realized it was my fault (as I said before). I did not used to be a think first, speak later kind of person. I was quite the opposite. Thank the Lord He is changing me because some of those past moments haunt me still.

In fact, it makes the "poo on the piano" comment not feel so bad.

The fact that I am covered no matter what by the blood of Jesus and His sacrifice also makes it not feel so bad. But it is very easy to feel endlessly guilty when my lady-likeness goes out the window. It's usually when I'm tired or uncomfortable. Still...no excuse.

All this to say...thank the Lord for His abounding grace. He knows I take advantage of the abounding part of it daily.

Grace and peace to you.

End of an era

So tomorrow is election day. This can only mean one thing....I am extremely over campaign commercials, tweets trashing the opponent, and skewed newscasts swearing the candidate loved by the financial investor of that particular news channel is winning.

Of course, I did my own research. In doing so, I found out some funny/scary/crazy facts. The state I live in has a gal running for Governor whose party affiliation is The United States Marijuana Party. Their policies? You guessed it. To legalize the possession/use/distribution of good ole mary jane. While other politicians focused on the economy, healthcare, and renewable energy, her policies were simply, "25 Reasons Why Marijuana Should Be Legalized." I kid you not. I was shocked. I guess I don't care all that much about things like this because there is no way on God's green earth that MJ will ever be legal, but also that someone would devote so much time/energy/money to the freeing of MJ.

In scarier news, there's also a gal candidate running for Pres (no way she will ever get elected anyway but...) whose party affiliation is the Socialist/Liberation Party. Socialist. How is a Socialist even allowed to run for Pres of our democratic, constitution-based, free country? I mean, just ponder that.

All this to say, this election is going to determine the fate of America I think. The world is changing more and more everyday and America is always on the forefront of those changes. I guess I always thought that America would be a country of freedom, but it is very clear that we are headed towards our own demise.

It's been easy because people are willing to be led, blind folded, to the toilet for their own swirlies, all the while hearing the sound of flushing toilets and screaming nerds.

As I write, President Obama is delivering a "Vote for Me" speech during the half time of Monday Night Football. All the words are the same...change, hope, etc. Except nothing has changed and people have even less hope than they did 4 years ago.

Anyways, I promised myself I wouldn't get carried away with this post.

I will end to say this...

"I love politics," said no one ever.

-Reluctant Voter.