...how can it be?

That I have fallen in love with this place and these people. I have really let myself go. Structured Holly was thrown by the wayside. I asked the Lord to tear down my walls, and I guess He did it because I have no idea how I am going to leave. Bentonville, Arkansas? Seriously?! Of all places, I am placed here. On the drive here a little over 2 months ago, I was thinking, 'Lord, help me. These people are all going to be toothless hillbillies." Of course, it's nothing like that here. Everyone is loving. They all just love you and make it hard to live without them. They care about me. They've invested in me with their time and energy.

So I'm finding myself asking why...again. Why Lord? Would you send me to such a wonderful place that is 1200 miles from home that I may never get to visit ever again? There is a ray of sunshine in here somewhere. I'm just trying to find it...because even now, it is harder. This past week added a chain element. Like I want to chain myself to this place so I never have to leave. People look at me certain ways and I know they care for me. I don't want to leave them.

When I was 17, God called me to full-time missions. Here's a pretty good explanation of all of this that I heard this week:

"God may have brought you here to experience all of this and then just have to pack up and leave because this is the life that He has planned for you."

It's so true...the life of a missionary is a very nomadic one...or at least can be. I need some serious prayer because I'm getting a taste of what it's going to be like, and this is just so hard. It's so hard. This family I've lived with for 2 months....you don't understand. They are beyond wonderful. I feel as if they are my own. These 2 precious girls that call me their big sissy. What will they do when I leave? Or this amazing group of guys/gals that I spent the last week with at camp? It seems so unfair to pack myself and walk away.

I feel like I'm not walking away...maybe it's more on the side of they are letting me go. And I have to let them go. The tears are incessant. I'm not even a crier.

God has blessed me with the most amazing summer of my life. The lessons I have learned are echoing already and will continue to echo through the rest of my life. The impact that some people have had on me here will resound whether or not I replay these memories in my head. It hurts to do that. Please let me get to a point where it won't hurt anymore so I can recall these memories and have joy. Part of me feels like I am incomplete in my life back at school because I feel like here in my home. That is terrible. How does a place become home so fast? The saying, "Home is where the heart is" has never been more true. My heart is here.

I feel like I could go on forever. I have 8 days left. Lord, I am going to live them to the fullest. Help me to focus on what I have now because in 8 days, it's gone.

I'm going to miss you...a lot. Just so you know. But you already know that.

Being uprooted,

Holly